Hocus Pocus starts out with these two goofy lookin' 1600's Salem Boybanders. Seriously, what's with the shaggy neat but slightly unkempt hair? This is the 1600's you're supposed to be tying it up in a bow. I know these things because I watch Sleepy Hollow. Anyway, Thackery (AKA Agent McGee; AKA the boy on the right) is looking for his little sister Emily. Here, they're making massive dork face because they've realized where Emily is...
She's been kidnapped. She's very sweet looking, but she's just kind of sitting there dumbly. Do you think that's because she's grown up in an oppressive society where children and women are taught to "be seen and not heard." Do you think her society has broken her, made her incapable of fighting back? Oh, wait, sorry. That's not the point of these "film fashion" posts. She's sweet looking--knit cap, clad in white. But I am a little curious at why she left her house with her hair down and wearing a nightgown. That seems like the sort of a thing a little girl who would fight her kidnappers would do. But, alas, I apparently am wrong.
She's been kidnapped by these creepy old ladies. Their hair is brittle and frizzy with evil. It's one of the repercussions they face since selling their souls to the devil.
Thackery tries to save his sister (side note what the heck kind of name is Thackery?) but one tiny boy-bopper in an oversized t-shirt is no match for three old witches with brittle evil-frizzed hair.
So they were totally able to suck the soul outta that lil' girl. Note: they're each wearing a different color robe. There's a red, green, and purple. This is important because I have a real question for you. What group of three women each with their own color was the FIRST group of three women each with their own color? Because it happens all the time. Like, in Totally Spies and Powerpuff Girls.
By sucking the soul out of that little girl, the three old ladies become slightly younger ladies. I think it improved their hair and clothes, too. Like, their clothes have more details and brighter colors now. Weird witchcraft clothing. I'm digging those spiderweb-y knit sleeves.
Also, they turned Thackery into this angry cat.
So then all the Salem people hang the witches. This gives u a better chance to look at their dresses. On the far left, we have the Less Liked Evil Stepsister From Cinderella, who has a nice dress but it isn't as nice as the Well Liked Evil Stepsister From Cinderella as you can tell by the fact that the skirt of her dress looks like it's made out of an afghan that I always used when sleeping over at my best friend's house. In the middle, we have the Traditional Witch, with a medieval style fancy green robe. Sarah Jessica Parker is wearing a medieval harlot dress to exemplify love of boys. The bodice is cute, the mesh sleeves are bizarre, for for some reason the entire thing just makes me shudder.
These two grumpy Salemites are the parents of Thackery and Emily, so they're pretty bummed because their kids have disappeared. Technically one of them is hanging out as a cat, but they don't recognize him. Isn't that a shame? I mean, you'd like to think that you would recognize your own child, even as a feline, but alas, they could not.
But, worry not kids, as it turns out that whole thing was just a story that this goofy lady told a class full of so 90's teenagers. This movie was made in the 90's, so the fact that the class is comprised of 90's styled kids makes 110% sense. But I'm just saying.
Also, I love how into Halloween this teacher is. She like bought a costume and has a ghost pin and told her students a ghost story. When I was in high school, my really enthusiastic teachers might make our math questions involve a pumpkin or handout candy. But it wasn't really a thing.
Anyway, one of her very 90's students is this dude:
Mr. Tie-Dyed T-Shirt Floppy Hair doesn't buy into the Halloween stuff. All he buys into is tie-dying with exclusively secondary colors, sketching instead of taking notes, and styling his hair like a boybander who has run out of gel. I think the real fashionista in the group, though, is the girl sitting behind him. She has a bright orange turtleneck on under a sweater made out of Mary Poppin's handbag AND she's wearing a chocker over the turtleneck.
There's also this girl:
She doesn't buy into Mr. Tie-Dyed T-Shirt Floppy Hair's not buying into Halloween stuff. She has pretty hair and a nice shirt that is only slightly too short for her arm-length.
He tries to ask her out, but she's not really having any of that. So then he's on his way home and he's not having that good of a day what with the getting turned down and having to listen to Halloween stories. And THEN he runs into these clowns:
These two goons are blatantly bad dudes. The one has shaggy Hanson hair and is exclusively wearing black. I do really like leather jackets, but his has weird pillowy stitching around the shoulders plus I like when girls wear leather jackets, and this is not one of the very few instances I like a leather jacket on a guy. The other goofy dude looks like a cross between Crabb and Goyle all grown up. He's got a doofy hat, his sideburns are shaved with unnerving precision, a collared shirt with weird patches of colors, and an oversized potato colored windbreaker.
He's also got "ICE" shaved into the back of his head. OOH! The boy in all black is also wearing leather fingerless gloves. Like Ash Ketchum. Although, Ash's gloves probably weren't leather, retrospectively.
Anyway. They steal his shoes and he has to ride his bike home wearing socks. Which I imagine sucks.
So Max, that's Mr. Tie-Dyed T-Shirt Floppy Hair's name, goes home and he's kind of mopey on account of his lousy day. Plus somebody is spying on him from his closet. Here's another observation: Max really likes fish. Check it out, he's feeding some fish. He's got a fish bedding. He probably has a fish image stitched into all of his undershirts so he can keep them really close to his heart all the time.
It turns out the person spying from his closet is Max's little sister, Dani. She's super into Halloween. That's why she's wearing this bizarre kiddie drawings/fringe vest witch costume. She also has way too much pep, if you ask me.
Max gets all mopey because he has to take his little sister Trick or Treating and the family has recently moved from California and the pretty girl at school turned him down and those goons stole his shoes. Anyway, he has a freaking staircase and loft in his bedroom so personally I think he shouldn't ever mope the lucky butt.
Then Dani gets mad and yells for their parents. I remember when I was younger I always thought about what a little unreasonable brat she was. Like, your brother has a life and things that he wants to do, and you just demand that he take you trick or treating? Why are your wants and feelings more important or valid than his? But this time when I was watching it I just couldn't get over the fact that she was wearing so much red lipstick and it was applied so well. It's strange. Also, where are her eyebrows? That's freaky. Sorry. I know. That's mean. She's a kid. But technically she's older than me! That's weird to think about. Anyway I'll continue with the movie.
Max ends up having to take Dani trick or treating so their parents (AKA Mr. and Mrs. Monochromatic Sweaters) can go to a party. As you can see, Max has decided to lose the tie-dyed t-shirt and put on a blue sweater (he is, after all, Mr. and Mrs. Monochromatic Sweaters' son) and a jacket. Overall, his "costume" is that of "a guy who really doesn't want to be taking his little sister trick or treating but has to while wearing mom jeans."
While they're out trick or treating, they run into these goons who are up to no good stealing little kids' candy. Dani is all, "My brother's going to beat you up" but, duuuude, he wasn't even able to keep them from stealing his shoes, do you really think he'll be able to keep them from stealing your candy? Anyway, then Dani and Max get mad at each other.
But they get over it quickly because Dani tries to take a nap on some pumpkins and Max apologizes.
Then they go to a rich family's house and who should live there but Allison! The girl from school! She's got this really pretty revolutionary era dress on, but didn't bother doing anything with her hair to pull the look together. Also, why was she hanging out upstairs when the party is clearly downstairs? This also gives us the opportunity to see just how much like a potato pillow Max's jacket looks.
The three of them decide to go to the house of the three sister witches from the story. Allison's mom used to work at the museum there so it was apparently really easy for them to break in. While they're scoping the place out, Max takes every opportunity to get all up in Allison's personal space. I wouldn't be having any of that. Anyway, she looks like a total Tanner sister here, with her cream colored ribbed sweater layered with a shaggy grayish/cream colored shawl. I like that shawl. I would wear that shawl.
Max, just goofin' off, lights this stupid candle. And since Max is a viiiiirgiiiin it brings back the dead witch sisters. Here's a thing, not fashion/style related just a thing, throughout this entire movie people are always going, "a virgin lit the candle" and "he's a virgin and he lit the candle" or whatever and they always say "virgin" really judgmentally? And I'm just like, why?
A. Being a virgin isn't a bad thing.
B. He's like fifteen, give the kid a break.
So the sisters are back! And here's something: is it just me or does that one lady have part of the Nightmare Before Christmas set attached to her head?
Thackery (more like cat-hkery) leads the kids to a graveyard where the witch-sisters can't touch them. Oh! They also grabbed a book of spells, which is why the sisters are after them. See, the sisters have to brew a potion and suck up some child-souls before sunrise or they'll die again for forever. So, anyway, here they are hanging otu at Thackery's little sister's grave. So sad.
But they (the witch sisters) reanimated this scary Edward Scissorhands with scissorless hands to chase after the kids. It's hard to tell in this picture, but I'm pretty sure dude's wearing a 300 year old ascot. I can't really comment on his clothes, though. Poor dude has been in a grave underground for ages. That's why his hair is so dirt-grease-greasy.
While the witches are romping around, searching for the kids, they happen across this fabulous devil. Seriously, there's gold embellishments, metallic horns, and a flaming felt necklace thing. They think he's the real devil and keep calling him "master" and dancing with him and stuff which he's really into but his wife, understandably, hates.
Meanwhile, the kids go to this crazy Halloween party to find the parents and let them know about all the crazy "bringing psycho child-soul-sucking witch sisters back from the dead" stuff that's been going on. The dad is dressed up like a classic Dracula with the hair gel and contouring makeup and high neck capes. Also, clearly the dad as Dracula is a little inapropro. Even in this not-so-good-screenshot, you can tell that Allison is hellsa uncomfortable with how many of that old dude's old dude hands are on her.
These two grumpy Salemites are the parents of Thackery and Emily, so they're pretty bummed because their kids have disappeared. Technically one of them is hanging out as a cat, but they don't recognize him. Isn't that a shame? I mean, you'd like to think that you would recognize your own child, even as a feline, but alas, they could not.
But, worry not kids, as it turns out that whole thing was just a story that this goofy lady told a class full of so 90's teenagers. This movie was made in the 90's, so the fact that the class is comprised of 90's styled kids makes 110% sense. But I'm just saying.
Also, I love how into Halloween this teacher is. She like bought a costume and has a ghost pin and told her students a ghost story. When I was in high school, my really enthusiastic teachers might make our math questions involve a pumpkin or handout candy. But it wasn't really a thing.
Anyway, one of her very 90's students is this dude:
Mr. Tie-Dyed T-Shirt Floppy Hair doesn't buy into the Halloween stuff. All he buys into is tie-dying with exclusively secondary colors, sketching instead of taking notes, and styling his hair like a boybander who has run out of gel. I think the real fashionista in the group, though, is the girl sitting behind him. She has a bright orange turtleneck on under a sweater made out of Mary Poppin's handbag AND she's wearing a chocker over the turtleneck.
There's also this girl:
She doesn't buy into Mr. Tie-Dyed T-Shirt Floppy Hair's not buying into Halloween stuff. She has pretty hair and a nice shirt that is only slightly too short for her arm-length.
He tries to ask her out, but she's not really having any of that. So then he's on his way home and he's not having that good of a day what with the getting turned down and having to listen to Halloween stories. And THEN he runs into these clowns:
These two goons are blatantly bad dudes. The one has shaggy Hanson hair and is exclusively wearing black. I do really like leather jackets, but his has weird pillowy stitching around the shoulders plus I like when girls wear leather jackets, and this is not one of the very few instances I like a leather jacket on a guy. The other goofy dude looks like a cross between Crabb and Goyle all grown up. He's got a doofy hat, his sideburns are shaved with unnerving precision, a collared shirt with weird patches of colors, and an oversized potato colored windbreaker.
He's also got "ICE" shaved into the back of his head. OOH! The boy in all black is also wearing leather fingerless gloves. Like Ash Ketchum. Although, Ash's gloves probably weren't leather, retrospectively.
Anyway. They steal his shoes and he has to ride his bike home wearing socks. Which I imagine sucks.
So Max, that's Mr. Tie-Dyed T-Shirt Floppy Hair's name, goes home and he's kind of mopey on account of his lousy day. Plus somebody is spying on him from his closet. Here's another observation: Max really likes fish. Check it out, he's feeding some fish. He's got a fish bedding. He probably has a fish image stitched into all of his undershirts so he can keep them really close to his heart all the time.
It turns out the person spying from his closet is Max's little sister, Dani. She's super into Halloween. That's why she's wearing this bizarre kiddie drawings/fringe vest witch costume. She also has way too much pep, if you ask me.
Max gets all mopey because he has to take his little sister Trick or Treating and the family has recently moved from California and the pretty girl at school turned him down and those goons stole his shoes. Anyway, he has a freaking staircase and loft in his bedroom so personally I think he shouldn't ever mope the lucky butt.
Then Dani gets mad and yells for their parents. I remember when I was younger I always thought about what a little unreasonable brat she was. Like, your brother has a life and things that he wants to do, and you just demand that he take you trick or treating? Why are your wants and feelings more important or valid than his? But this time when I was watching it I just couldn't get over the fact that she was wearing so much red lipstick and it was applied so well. It's strange. Also, where are her eyebrows? That's freaky. Sorry. I know. That's mean. She's a kid. But technically she's older than me! That's weird to think about. Anyway I'll continue with the movie.
Max ends up having to take Dani trick or treating so their parents (AKA Mr. and Mrs. Monochromatic Sweaters) can go to a party. As you can see, Max has decided to lose the tie-dyed t-shirt and put on a blue sweater (he is, after all, Mr. and Mrs. Monochromatic Sweaters' son) and a jacket. Overall, his "costume" is that of "a guy who really doesn't want to be taking his little sister trick or treating but has to while wearing mom jeans."
While they're out trick or treating, they run into these goons who are up to no good stealing little kids' candy. Dani is all, "My brother's going to beat you up" but, duuuude, he wasn't even able to keep them from stealing his shoes, do you really think he'll be able to keep them from stealing your candy? Anyway, then Dani and Max get mad at each other.
But they get over it quickly because Dani tries to take a nap on some pumpkins and Max apologizes.
Then they go to a rich family's house and who should live there but Allison! The girl from school! She's got this really pretty revolutionary era dress on, but didn't bother doing anything with her hair to pull the look together. Also, why was she hanging out upstairs when the party is clearly downstairs? This also gives us the opportunity to see just how much like a potato pillow Max's jacket looks.
The three of them decide to go to the house of the three sister witches from the story. Allison's mom used to work at the museum there so it was apparently really easy for them to break in. While they're scoping the place out, Max takes every opportunity to get all up in Allison's personal space. I wouldn't be having any of that. Anyway, she looks like a total Tanner sister here, with her cream colored ribbed sweater layered with a shaggy grayish/cream colored shawl. I like that shawl. I would wear that shawl.
Max, just goofin' off, lights this stupid candle. And since Max is a viiiiirgiiiin it brings back the dead witch sisters. Here's a thing, not fashion/style related just a thing, throughout this entire movie people are always going, "a virgin lit the candle" and "he's a virgin and he lit the candle" or whatever and they always say "virgin" really judgmentally? And I'm just like, why?
A. Being a virgin isn't a bad thing.
B. He's like fifteen, give the kid a break.
So the sisters are back! And here's something: is it just me or does that one lady have part of the Nightmare Before Christmas set attached to her head?
Thackery (more like cat-hkery) leads the kids to a graveyard where the witch-sisters can't touch them. Oh! They also grabbed a book of spells, which is why the sisters are after them. See, the sisters have to brew a potion and suck up some child-souls before sunrise or they'll die again for forever. So, anyway, here they are hanging otu at Thackery's little sister's grave. So sad.
But they (the witch sisters) reanimated this scary Edward Scissorhands with scissorless hands to chase after the kids. It's hard to tell in this picture, but I'm pretty sure dude's wearing a 300 year old ascot. I can't really comment on his clothes, though. Poor dude has been in a grave underground for ages. That's why his hair is so dirt-grease-greasy.
While the witches are romping around, searching for the kids, they happen across this fabulous devil. Seriously, there's gold embellishments, metallic horns, and a flaming felt necklace thing. They think he's the real devil and keep calling him "master" and dancing with him and stuff which he's really into but his wife, understandably, hates.
Meanwhile, the kids go to this crazy Halloween party to find the parents and let them know about all the crazy "bringing psycho child-soul-sucking witch sisters back from the dead" stuff that's been going on. The dad is dressed up like a classic Dracula with the hair gel and contouring makeup and high neck capes. Also, clearly the dad as Dracula is a little inapropro. Even in this not-so-good-screenshot, you can tell that Allison is hellsa uncomfortable with how many of that old dude's old dude hands are on her.
Seriously, Mr. and Mrs. Monochromatic Sweaters, what has happened to you? She's, clearly Madonna. Her boobs look like they're made out of swirls of gold and red toothpaste and her hair is definitely synthetic. This is probably the scariest moment of her daughter's super terrifying night.
This guy has the coolest costume of the entire movie. He's all grungy skeleton rockstar. Admittedly, he'd look better if his hat and jacket were like SHARP black, but instead they kind of look like bits of makeup have been smudged on them. Max tries to steal the mic and warn everyone about the witches (who have showed up at this shindig, too) but everyone just kind of takes it like an introduction to a special band or something. Then they go up and hypnotize all the adults to dance for an eternity or something. It's very end-of-the-original-Snow-White.
But it's okay, the kids lure the witches into a high school where they are subjected to Max acting like a cross between Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone 2 and Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. What's up with the sunglasses, dude? You're indoors in the middle of the night. Do they just help you get into the radio-talk-show-spirit?
And then the kids lure the witches into a giant kiln. Then this happens:
I had nightmares about this face in my youth. She's like a demented Ms. Frizzle.
It's like a concerned group selfie. Also: woah has Allison been wearing that necklace the entire time?
After burning the witches in the kiln, they all go hangout and fall asleep in Max's fish bed. Which is crazy. Dude has a stairwell and a bed that's big enough to comfortably sleep three people and a cat? I thought that deserved to be commented on, but mostly I just wanted to give you guys a better picture of the fish bedding. Who has fish bedding? Since when has "sleeping with the fishes" been a good thing?
But as it turns out... they've taken their fish nap a bit too early. The witches live! Granted, they are a little more haggardly than before. Which is certainly saying something. Sarah Jessica Parker's hair is a little flatter than before, and the skirt of her dress is burned. Bette Midler's hair is extra frizzed (don't you hate what heat does to your hair, ladies?) and Kathy Najimy is coated in ashes. But they're still kickin' a bit, so the movie isn't over yet.
Right after they leave the high school, looking extra haggard, they run into the goons. As it turns out, Clad Solely in Black isn't clad solely in black! he's also got the Hey Arnold-esque plaid t-shirt skirt thing going on. And Ice is wearing a pair of burnt orange corduroys and a gold chain. Altogether, Ice's outfit screams "a haphazard collection of thrift store purchases that I didn't really think about when I bought or when I put them on." Anyway, it's clear that these goons had no business commenting on anybody else's appearance but they still made the mistake of calling the witchly sisters "ugly."
This might seem unjust, but... well, it's exactly what I do to boys who call me ugly. Also, here's something: dude has a ring on his left ring finger. Do you think it's a wedding ring? Did he actually find someone who was like "yeah, you're super immature and can't dress yourself worth a dime and you steal candy from children but sure let's get hitched"? Do you think it's a purity ring? I mean, do you think if he lit the candle it would have brought the witches back? No, I doubt if he's a virgin it's by choice. Honestly, it's probably just because he can't wear a ring on the leather fingerless glove hand.
Meanwhile, Max and Allison decide to ignore the cat's ardent don't open the book warning and they open the book hoping to find a spell to turn Thackery into a human. For some reason, they don't seem to notice the beam of light shooting out of the pages and into their faces. I don't know. Seems like something I would notice.
By opening the book and sending out the light beam, they clue the witches into where they and the book are. So, the witch sisters show up, break in, steal the book, and steal Dani. This business looks like something that insurance will not cover.
The witches, wanting to stay young and beautiful forever, need a whole host of child souls to eat. So they beckon all of the children to them. This is literally what my nightmares look like: dozens of children coming towards me.
With a little help from headlights, Max and Allison fake a sunrise and the witches kind of collapse like "oh no we're dying." Then, Max and Allison take Dani and the book back, and the witches realize that they've been duped. They are apparently really easy to trick. Check out Sarah Jessica Parker, though. Lady's been all over town, canoodling with all sorts of nefarious characters, flying about, learning to drive a bus, and burning in a kiln, but doesn't once smudge her lipstick.
The kids seek refuge in the graveyard, where Max gets nabbed by our scissorless hands Edward Scissorhands. The witches show up and try to get him to kill Max, but instead he just cuts open his mouth which the Bette-Midler-witch sewed shut when she killed him all those years ago, and then he just said a lot of really mean things about her coughed up dust. So, anyway, he's strictly "Team Kids" these days.
Anyway, they put the little girl in a grave surrounded by salt so that she has all these protection layers against the witches. Like, graveyard. Salt. The other kids. Scissorless hands Scissorhands. Anyway, check out those hunks of metal lining her collar. What's up with that? Did I miss that before? I have a theory that the costume designers were just like, "let's slightly change their costumes as they go along and see if anyone notices." Also, what happened to her weird fringe scarf vest thing? See, I'm 98% sure this is what the costumers were up to.
I know, I know. How did Bette Witch-ler get ahold of the little girl who had so many levels of protection? Well. Bette knocked off Edward Scissorless Scissorhands's head and Dani insisted on crawling out of her salt-surrounded-grave to return his head to him. It's a shame she didn't just wait until sunrise to re-head the now headless scissorless Edward Sicssorhands.
Max, though, insists on saving his sister so he downs the rest of the child-soul potion. Here, you see him all aglow and blurry with his soul, and Bette Midler tried to suck up all the teenage-boy-soul before the sun arises.
But she fails. The sun rises and all the witches burst into giant glitter bombs.
Your hook-shot knocked you unconscious, so I lied down next to you so everyone would just think we were chillin'.
Post battle with the witches, Max has this great layered shirts and ripped up sweater thing going on.
Would you look at this lazy dude? The guy's been sleeping for three hundred years, spends a few hours chasing around some kids, and gets all tuckered out again.
Can I just say how impressed I am with the costumers? They matched his shirt to his complexion perfectly.
Dani gets freaked out because Thackery has gone and disappeared, and when she finds him, he's dead! But he isn't supposed to be dead because that cat has been kickin' for three centuries! And earlier, he got run over and then just re-inflated.
She looks so sad for a girl with such a bright colored happy sun child drawing sweater.
But look! Thackery is back-ery! As a ghost. That's why he's slightly transparent. Anyway, he's like a "small" shirt size wearing an "extra large" shirt size. And he's rocking some Huck Finn capris pants.
I hate capris. I love Jackie-O. She's a serious style icon. But she made capris pants a popular thing and I little bit resent that. I love Huck Finn, too, dude's a goof and a staple of Missouri's cultural literacy, but c'mon, man, don't promote those pants.
Anyway, ghost-Thackery has reunited with ghost-Emily, and they literally walk off into the sunset. How sweet is that?
You know what, I've seen quite a few shirts with a similar neckline to the one Max is rockin' right now. Here, the gang is watching Thackery and his sister as they fade away into the sunrise. I know, I've talked about all of their outfits already. But let me just add these few things. Allison's sweater looks seriously comfy. Also, she doesn't "look" like my friend Allison, but they have similar builds and similar hair color and the same name. That's why she's always been my favorite character in this film.
Anyway, in the end, everyone is happy. Except for the witches who are dead and, well, these guys:
Y'all ain't ever goin' ta get outta there.
Anyway! Hocus Pocus is without a doubt the best Halloween film of Halloween films. If you haven't seen it, you should go ahead and watch it. I mean, I know that I just spoiled the heck out of it. But it's still really good. And if you do watch Hocus Pocus, you should watch to see if the costumers really did slightly alter the costumes throughout the film.
'Cause I'm pretty sure that's something that happened.
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