So, I wanted to borrow and adapt their brilliant idea. Which is why I've decided to start a recurring series on this blog called "Film Fashion." In it, I'll recap a movie and discuss the featured fashions. I wanted to start with Chasing Liberty because the other day my brother said, "You know, that movie with Mandy Moore and Paul Rudd?" and I said, "If there was a movie with Mandy Moore and Paul Rudd I definitely would have seen it 10,000 times." and he said, "You have! She's like a president's daughter?" Which is how I found out that Nash has no clue what Paul Rudd looks like. Anyway, I thought Chasing Liberty would be a fun way to start because 1. Nash made me want to watch it again, 2. Each character basically only wears 2 things throughout the whole thing, and 3. 90's clothes. But unfortunately, I was unable to capture images from the DVD. So, I decided to start with one of my very favorite movies:
I'm going through this whole movie, so I anticipate this being a long post. (Also, rife with spoilers. So if you haven't seen the movie but want to, maybe wait and read this some other time?) There will be a lot of pictures, keep in mind, it's just, because it'll be so long, you're going to find all of the brilliant stuff down below this cut off thing:
Okay, so Penelope starts off with Wednesday Adams explaining how her great-great-great-something-grandfather fell in love with this poor girl but then his family wasn't chill about it so he ended up marrying this other "blue blood" and the poor girl got depressed and killed herself. So, the lady's mother, a witch, curses the first girl born in that family (the Wilherns) to be born with the features of a pig. The witch mom looks like this:
So many wrinkles. So much hair. Really needs a good cream to keep that frizz at bay.
Anyway, then all the Wilherns have sons who have sons who have sons. When a Wilhern finally does have a daughter, it's not actually a Wilhern (ooh scandal) so everyone thinks they're safe. Until Penelope is born with the features of a pig.
So, Penelope's mom fakes her death (something about paparazzi) and keeps her locked up while they work on breaking the curse.
She really wants to get out and see the world. I love this picture because, aside from the nose and ears, she looks a lot like five year old me. I, too, wore the cream colored turtle neck paired with jumpers all the time. That particular jumper has a poor fit, it looks like a smock with an oddly cut neckline, but she's still totes adorbs. Also, I had had pretty much the same haircut.
Anyway, the only way to break the curse is if "she's accepted by one of her own kind" which everyone takes to mean "another blue blood marries her."
So, they hire this lady to help them find Penelope a husband. She has an awesome haircut, stellar cheekbones, and a style best described as "smart." Seriously, if we were to award someone in this film with "best dressed" it would have to go to Wanda. She's always wearing button downs, skirts, and heels. Very professional. A+. Well done. Way to go, Wanda.
Unfortunately, most of the blue blood men Wanda brings in fling themselves from the window when Penelope reveals herself to them. Then, the butler has to chase them down and force them to sign a gag order. I included this picture not because I could really make any kind of comment on the wardrobe. I just really like the part where suited-white-dude after suited-white-dude crashes through a window. It's like, you know that scene in Meet Joe Black when Brad Pitt get's hit by, like, three cars? And you have to just keep rewinding and watching it again and again because it's the best part of the movie? Well, it's like that. But you don't have to rewind and rewatch because after one suited-white-dude crashes through the window another one does, and another one does, and another one does until the Wilhern's get glass that won't break and a suited-white-dude smashes his face into the window and that's pretty funny too.
Anyway, back to the movie. We start off by meeting Mr. Stupidface.
Not to be mean to this actor who probably isn't a giant-jerkwad, but he looks like a giant-jerkwad. Like, he'd be cast in a Jane Austen film but only in a role like Elton from Emma. Which is to say, as Cher from Clueless would say, he looks like, "A snob and a half." (Actually, he looked familiar so I looked this up. This guy has been in a Jane Austen film. As Bingley! From Pride and Prejudice? AKA one of the nicest dudes. Anyway, props to that actor because as much as I disliked him in this, I loved him in that.)
Anyway, he's wearing this gray polk-a-dotted face, white button down, and kind of blueish black suit. He's really put together, but not in a cute-put-together way. It might be the silver-ish tie, and the way it makes his eyes look super pale, but he looks like the sort of guy who was in a "secret" Yale society and doesn't see how race factors into socioeconomic wage gaps and he really likes that Tucker Max book.
So then Christina Ricci runs him off by showing him her face. That's what she yelled down at her mother right before I snapped this picture: "I didn't show him my mole, mother. I showed him MY FACE." She's wearing this super cute blue top with ruffly sleeves layered over a long sleeved, blue, striped shirt because she's all about colors and layers. Also: she has the curls of a goddess.
So, the butler, Jake, goes running after Mr. Stupidface as he usually does when Penelope shows her suitors' her face and they run off. Here, we see Jake wearing gray pants (ehh), a black coat, a black tie, a white button down, and red tennis shoes. As Jake often has to run after spry young men, I totally get him wearing tennis shoes. And I, for one, am a big fan of the formal attire with tennis shoe color pop look. However: if they really don't want him to be hindered by his attire, why would they have him wear a suit? And if they really care about his appearance so much that they insist he wear a suit, why wouldn't they get him black tennis shoes? That's only sensible.
Anyway.
Unfortunately, this time, Jake wasn't able to catch the runaway man. In this scene, you see Penelope, Wanda, and Crazy Matchmaking Mom drinking tea and eating cookies. Which is super fancy for them. Seriously, you'll see later, they're definitely a cheese-puff and ho-hos kind of family.
Crazy Matchmaking Mom is wearing a black, satiny button down that is slightly too big for her around the arms and torso, but tightly fit around the wrists. And Wanda is wearing a terrible shawl which is the ugliest article of clothing she wears the entire film. Seriously. I suspect Crazy Matchmaking Mom got it for her for Christmas or something and today is one of the three obligatory times she must wear it in front of the gift giver before handing it over to the Goodwill.
Since Jake wasn't able to catch Mr. Stupidface there was no gag-order preventing him from talking to the press. And of course, he talks to the press. Nobody really believes him, though. Still, the next day, there's an article about how "Mr. Rich Stupidface is having hallucinations of a hideous pig-faced beast" and Mama Wilhern wakes up her daughter and beckons Mr. Wilhern into the room, frantically declaring that they're going to move. Haha. Check out this picture. This film has seriously top-notch expressions.
I'm not totally sure whether or not this is the same shirt as before. It definitely doesn't look as ill-fitting from this angle. The only thing I have to say about it here is this: why white button? Why not a black button? I'm all for contrast but that's some freaky ghost orb looking button in the middle of an intricately designed... bust? panel? thing?
Anyway, Penelope, who apparently just wakes up with goddess hair and sleeps in a Little House on the Prairie nightgown, and her father, who apparently has pajama set complete with a button down top and cardigan, are at first like what the heck kind of idea is that? But eventually decide that it might be nice to move to France where Penelope could practice her French. Which gives Mama Wilhern this horrible daydream thing where get to see super cute Penelope in France stealing peoples' croissants and stuff:
Look at this! She's got a knee-length, gray, felt skirt. She totally wears fleece and felt materials a lot, but home girl is all about the bright colors. So would she really wear a gray skirt? No. I would, though. HAND IT OVER, PENELOPE. She's also wearing an adorable knit hat, kinda funky orange and black striped tights, an orange knit sweater with 3/4 link sleeves, and a long sleeve gray shirt that flares out at the wrist. It's so bizarre. I think I would like it better if it were her traditional bright-clothes-layered-over-bright-clothes style, but here it's in between "all out there" and "trying to be fashionable" which makes it weird and unappealing.
This whole scene is bizarre, though. Like, what's with that orange juice glass? And there's an accordion player! Because when I think of France, I think of accordions. (I'm sure there are French accordion players. I just don't really associate the two?) And look at that one dude's haircut. That is the haircut of a man who does not have the right to judge an adorable girl's pig nose.
Anyway, this frightening-French-fantasy convinces Mama Wilhern that moving isn't such a good idea.
She's apparently done a bit of packing whilst fantasizing about France. Whose clothes are those? It's in Penelope's room, so I'd assume they belonged to her. But they're such muted colors. Also! Check out all those books. Daaang, girl, you well read. Sigh. I want to be her best friend.
So, anyway.
Meanwhile, Peter Dinklage, disgruntled journalist who lost an eye to angry Mama Wilhern when he tried to get a picture of baby Penelope, teams up with Mr. Stupidface who wants to prove he isn't crazy. Here, we see them hanging out in Peter Dinklage's van, which apparently contains the bridge from a 90's sci-fi film's spaceship in the back. Seriously, what kind of stakeout van has tons of colorful flashing lights? They need, like, a camera, a laptop, some audio devices, and a truckload of surveillance snacks. Instead, you have two goofy dudes commiserating about Wilhern women in the front of a bus while a lights show goes on in the background.
Anyway, Peter Dinklage is handsome as ever with his business suit and tie, and now that Mr. Stupidface has lost the tie, he looks slightly more likable. Like a college student who just got back from observing at a lawfirm. Haha. Just kidding. He still looks like a stuck up, petulant child.
So, to expose the pig-faced girl, they decide they need a picture of her. But, Mr. Stupidface is scared of the petite brunette (who despite being pretty strong-willed is nowhere near as scary as, say, Wednesday Adams). So, they have to find another blue blood dude to do it for them. Preferably a down-and-out blue blood who will work for cash.
Introducing: Mr. Handsome. Shaggy hair, tired eyes, and so many layers. We meet Mr. Handsome when he's down to one chip at some seedy underground poker place. Here, he's wearing a white button down, a blue button down, and a black suit jacket. Which is interesting because when we see his poker playing buddy--
--we instantly get the feeling that this basement poker place is humid. This guy screams grime. He's all hairy and has his gross old-man-vacation-shirt unbuttoned. Just looking at him makes me feel like this is the least comfortable, mosquito filled, hot sticky air filled day in the midwest during mid-August. Also, just generally what's up with this guy? He's wearing a chain and a pinky ring. I bet he reeks of cologne. I'm making that bet because the only adult white man I've ever known who wore a chain and a pinky ring apparently washed his clothes in cologne because whew that guy did not know the power of a single spritz.
Anyway. It should be noted: James McAvoy got the looks, but his poker playing opponent seems to have all the luck. Either that or he just started. I guess we don't know. Anyway, Peter Dinklage shows up looking for Mr. Handsome. AKA Max.
Note: Peter Dinklage is wearing the same tie as before, just in a different color. The same is true for the shirt. I bet he's the sort of guy who goes to a store, finds something he likes, and buys one of each. Also, there's that dude in the background with sleeves not-quite-as-long-as-his-arms and a plastic green visor. Do ticket men at seedy underground poker places really wear those things? Because they do in all the movies.
Mr. McAvoy rockin' even more layers. Seriously. Tweed coat and striped scarf. Also: is that a still-attached-tag on that scarf? C'mon McAvoy.
Here's the thing, though. I know that Mr. Handsome is all down-and-out, almost-homeless, gambling-addict, slightly-sloppy, mess of a man. But I've got a thing for shaggy hair dudes wearing slightly baggy button downs and tired eyes.
And we get another glimpse of this goof before Peter Dinklage and James McAvoy chat. Look at him, he's about to put his cigarette near the ground and then bring it back to his lips. C'mon, man, you know that ground is grime city.
Check out that hat. Is it just me or does that hat remind anyone else of Mumford and Sons' music? Like any moment now it's going to go from quiet to super loud and then abruptly end and for the next year and a half people will be singing it? No? Okay. Anyway, then Peter Dinklage is all "you blew through your family's fortune" and Mr. Handsome's all, "You got the wrong guy" and Peter Dinklage is "I'll pay you $5000" and Mr. Handsome's all, "Interesting." So he agrees to help them get a picture of Penelope.
Which looks like it might not be that hard to do because...
Wanda and Mama Wilhern are hosting a man-meeting-palooza. This time, they're making sure all the guys sign gag orders before meeting Penelope. (Here, the guy is wondering, as he later says, "Just how ugly is this girl?" And the answer is not at all she's so adorable ahk.)
Anyway, this is one of my favorite Wanda outfits. She's got everything! A vest, a button down, a giant bow, a stack of gag orders. So cute. As for the guy, he's just wearing a kind of boring suit. And I'm not crazy about the tie. But he kind of reminds me of Martin Freeman? I don't know. What do you think?
Okay, so, Mr. Handsome shows up to find Mr. Stupidface and Peter Dinklage in the back of a van with a toaster. Seriously, why do they have a toaster? Anyway, Peter Dinklage looks like he's wearing the same thing as he was the day before. Which I have a lot of questions about. Such as: Why? Did you sleep in that van? Where in the van would you sleep? How could you sleep with all of those blinking lights everywhere? Are all of your other suits dirty? Do you not have any other suits? Did you have a one night stand last night and not have anything to change into?
What makes the whole thing about Peter Dinklage's wearing the same outfit even more confusing is that he's got a clean shave. What's the scenario where he's able to shave but not change clothes? I'm so confused.
Anyway, Mr. Stupidface is now wearing a gray, plaid, grandfather suit jacket and the expression of a scared boy who hasn't slept in three days. Frankly, I like him best this way. Meanwhile, Mr. Handsome has traded his plain-black-jacket in for this striped one that Peter Dinklage provided him. It has an armpit camera so if he raises his arm, he'll take a picture.
Also, they had this conversation: "Did you have to play poker all night?" "Yeah. I still had chips." Which means James McAvoy also hasn't changed. And I have some questions about that, too. First: do you really think "unbathed" is the way to go when meeting a mysterious girl with a hella big dowry for the first time? Moreover: what happened to that blue shirt you were wearing? You're down a layer. Did you literally lose your shirt playing poker? Get it together, man.
Okay, so, James McAvoy shows up in this room full of snobby white dudes. (This is seriously my biggest complaint about this movie: what's up with all the white people? It's like SO MANY white people. Real life isn't filled with this many white people.)
He might be the sloppiest, shaggiest haired dude there, but at least he isn't any of the rest of those jerks. Like that one with the corduroy pants and the cane. That is a "for show" cane. And I know that for sure, you'll see why in a moment. The other guy on that couch--wearing a lot of blue--is the best dressed in that room, I'd say.
Okay, so then, Penelope decides to show her face to all of the men at once to, as she says, "weed out the unlikelies."
She's wearing an orange and pink button down shirt, a bow cinched around her ribcage, a weird pin thing, and a skirt that she clearly stole from Ms. Frizzle. Let's be real, one thing I like about Penelope's clothes is that it looks like she made them herself. Her clothes are sometimes uneven at the hems, they have crazy buttons, and they often look like the sort of thing that a professional designer wouldn't really put together. Like that pink and that orange? Yeah, they work together, but who would do that?
So, anyway, she shows up and all the guys see her snout and run the fffff away.
Here's some stuff: Mr. Chocolate Brown Suit over there doesn't look like he's even startled at this point. Like, a few dudes are already ready to run away, and some of them look a little freaked out, but Mr. Chocolate Brown Suit looks like, "Ah, yes, another girl with a snout." But then they all run out. Seriously. That's how I know that cane is all for show (I'm looking at you, Corduroy Pants with the weird gold fabric napkin hanging out of your shirt). Also, point of interest, that guy with the mint green tie and the pink button down back there? I'm not saying he's not cute. He's kind of cute. But he's the kind of cute that really doesn't have any place running away from an adorable girl with one tiny pig snout.
Anyway, you might be thinking: Where's Mr. Handsome in this picture? Well. The answer is, they gave him a suit jacket with an armpit camera and while he periodically lifting up his arm, he accidentally knocked the thing out of his suit jacket. So, he very gracefully fell to the floor and tried to stuff it back into his armpit. So, he missed Penelope's entrance because he was behind the couch.
Aw, Mr. Handsome, so cute and incompetent. The one thing that bugs me about his outfits (which, as previously stated, might be a little sloppy but are still right up my alley) is that he wears dress pants. I don't know, he just strikes me as the sort of guy who would wear a pair of dark jeans with a button down. (Swoon. I love men in dark jeans with button downs.)
So Penelope, and her goddess curls, has this /sick of your crap/ expression as her mom lectures her about running off all of her suitors at once. This picture doesn't really add anything to my recap and doesn't really provide me with anything comment on fashion-wise, but I included it because it's probably my favorite expression ever. Plus she's so cute and pretty. Ahh!
Right. Back to the story.
Wanda, Mama Wilhern, and Penelope notice Mr. Handsome hanging out alone, lifting his arm up periodically like a freak, and get really confused and excited. But confused because he's there, not because he's periodically raising his hand like a freak. Seriously, all of my questions for him would be, like, "What are you doing? Are you re-learning how to use your arm? Did it fall asleep? What's that sound?"
Check out all those Grade A expressions. As you can see, Mama Wilhern is still wearing black. It's like she's in mourning or something. This one at least fits better. And I have to say, she does look really good in black. Also: it's like she's the opposite of Penelope. Who wears so many colors all the time.
Here, it looks like Penelope and Mr. Handsome are face to face. But they aren't! See, really Penelope is on one side of one of those police department mirrors, so she gets to see Mr. Handsome but he doesn't get to see her. Anyway, their first meeting is all about "Did you see? You didn't see." and "See what?" and "Why did you try to steal my favorite book? It's worthless. Take this other book it's worth more."
Point of interest: I know I called his poker buddy the king of grime before, but do you think that button down was originally white? Because goodness. Also: do you think that was always his shirt? I mean, maybe it was and he just recently lost a lot of weight and didn't want to buy a new shirt. I had a teacher in high school who had lost a bunch of weight but didn't get new clothes so his pants were constantly falling down and all of his shirts were as ill fitting as this one was. But if that wasn't the situation, then I think Mr. Handsome is just kind of bad at finding clothes that fit him.
So, they kind of "court" for a bit and Penelope wears stuff like this:
It's not really anything I haven't said before. She's all about bright colors and layers. I like the orange fabric of this shirt, though, because it's kind of almost two toned. Plus: GODDESS CURLS.
And her parents watch using their suitor-cam. Here, we see the mother doesn't just wear black, but she still doesn't really wear any colors. Also: goodness, Mama Wilhern, that's kind of a deep neckline, don't you think? I also want to give props to the costumers for the dad's clothes. He dresses like such a dad. He's nothing but button downs and sweaters and cardigans.
Penelope makes Mr. Handsome play a bunch of different instruments because she just knows he plays something. So he tries them all out and does a bad job at each of them. (Give it up to Where's Bald-o on the drums!) (Sorry, that wasn't really a joke about the drum player being bald, I'm very pro-bald. It's more just a joke about the Where's Waldo sweater he's wearing, and since he also happens to be bald... anyway. Sorry.)
This is one of my favorite Penelope outfits. I have a dress that's made out of a very similar pattern to that one, though mine isn't cotton so her's looks way softer. I love the layering here because you can see the striped shirt peeking out from the bottom of her neckline, too. She has buttons along her ribs on one side and what looks like homemade felt brooches. She's just so cute. I'm all about this look.
Here, we see her completely schooling him at chess. Also: it's good to know Mr. Layers for Days got his blue shirt back. Seriously, white t-shirt, blue button down, armpit-camera-striped-jacket? That's a look, my friend. And a good one, too. I mean, it looks like he might have recently had a shower and not spent the whole evening in a seedy underground poker place gambling with the King of Grime.
I'm pretty sure at this point, Penelope is his only friend. So Mr. Handsome goes to a park to think about what kind of person he is. You know, I wasn't crazy about this hat the first time I saw it, but it's not all that bad from this angle. It does still make me think of Mumford and Sons, though.
Anyway, I guess he isn't too thrilled about the kind of person he's being because the next time he sees Mr. Stupidface, he does this:
To his credit, Mr. Stupidface was being a big jerk about Penelope being ugly and stuff and clearly Mr. Handsome is in love with her. Also: nice striped shirt, Mr. Handsome! I thought you only had the blue one and the ill-fitting one. Way to be.
So, on this particular day, Penelope guesses that Mr. Handsome (AKA nubs for nails) plays the piano. But he's doing such a subpar job that she goes and helps him.
And they meet face to face for the first time ever. And he kind of freaks out. I mean, he doesn't run away or try to leap through a window or anything, he just jolts backwards at first and stares at her for a bit.
She's not to keen on him staring at her, though. It makes her feel uncomfortable. Then, he decides he wants to feel her snout, I guess? Which is an interesting decision but, to be honest, it makes more sense than leaping through a window or running away and rambling on about a pig faced beast like SOME PEOPLE.
But when he lifts his hand, his armpit camera goes off and he jolts back because he's startled by the camera also because he's like, "OH CRAP I DID WHAT I WAS PAID TO DO AND I'VE DECIDED THAT WHAT I WAS PAID TO DO IS A CRAPPY THING TO DO."
So she cries, "I'm a monster!" and runs away with him going, like, "No no no" after her. In this shot, we see that she's wearing a kind of metallic brown skirt and a red sweater. From the back, it's kind of mundane. Plus: metallic brown skirt? That's weird, right?
Then he goes to Peter Dinklage who usually looks super dapper but in this scene is wearing his pants a bit too low and his tie a bit too short, and yells about "She's not what he said she was!" and smashes the camera. In this scene, Mr. Handsome is looking super good. Those pants make him look elegant like a bull fighter mixed with an opera singer that I'd like to makeout with. And his shirt fits pretty well. And he's got a couple of buttons undone. Oh me oh my. Anyway, Peter Dinklage, aside from me not loving the low-pants short-tie thing, is rockin' the heck out of that gray coat.
Unfortunately, Wanda and Mama Wilhern followed Max out and think he's conspiring with THE ENEMY (aka the press) (oh, which, yeah he was).
So he runs back inside to talk to Penelope before they do, and they chase him, and it's all pretty comical.
Wanda's wearing tall leather boots with heels and a pencil skirt but she is still RIGHT on your tail Mr. Handsome. Also, Mama Wilhern is clearly about to have a psychotic break. And she's still not wearing any colors.
Okay, she's super sad and we'll get to that in a bit. But first: check out this shirt. It's red and striped and has a funky neckline. And she's got homemade bead broaches! And I STILL THINK she is the CUTEST PERSON ever. Oh my glob.
Back to the story. Penelope ignores her mother and Wanda and asks Max to marry her, explaining that she knows she's "hideous" (excuse me you are not) but that if he marries her the curse will be broken. And when he asks "what if the curse can't be broken" she promises to kill herself. Then she cries, "Marry me, Max, marry me." And it's all very sweet.
But he says, "I can't." (Aw, come on, how you gonna say no to those goddess curls and long eyelashes?) And before he can say anything else, she kicks him out of her house.
So, he goes back to the poker tables where his friend the King of Gross has somehow managed to find an even more disgusting shirt to wear. Seriously, this shirt is like a bunch of tropical fish and 70's paraphernalia fell into a blender and got spewed all over some fabric and the designer had so little respect for his job that he jus looked at it and said, "Eh, why not."
Meanwhile, Papa Wilhern is so busy freaking out to Mama Wilhern about how he knows he's "the bad blood" and he's sorry she got saddled with him that they don't notice what Penelope is up to. Papa Wilhern is cool because his hair is slightly too long and he has so much forehead. Also, I'm pretty sure my dad has that button down shirt he's wearing here. Also, he looks like he raided Mr. Roger's closet and stole Friendliest Man In The Universe's cardigan collection.
So what's Penelope up to that the Parents Wilhern aren't noticing? Well...
RUNNING AWAY OF COURSE. This is what she wears for most of the movie. This purple, fleece-y coat with orange-ish embellishments and a haphazard selection of buttons with a too cute too boot purple and green scarf covering here piggy features. Side note: check out those impeccable eyebrows. Goodness, girl can get it.
Penelope steals her mom's credit cards and checks into a hotel that's almost eclectic enough to suit her. Some observations from this scene: have you ever actually seen any real-life bell boys wearing outfits like that? Or is that something they pull in movies? Because usually I see guys with button downs and ties and pins or whatever but I've never seen anyone in an entirely maroon uniform complete with gold buttons and a doofy hat in the real world. But it's like every movie with a scene in a hotel has a guy in one of these ridiculous getups.
Also, DANG Penelope has one loong scarf.
Here, we see Mr. Stupidface describing Penelope to an illustrator. As you can tell: homeboy clearly has a warped perception. Anyway, in the story, what's up is: Peter Dinklage and Mr. Stupidface want to get a picture of Penelope, and they know that she recently ran away. So, they're putting out an ad offering $5000 for a picture of Penelope.
Mr. Stupidface is really motivated because he keeps getting scolded by his father who is somehow an even bigger jerk than he is? And it's weird because the father is always scolding him about his image and the investors, who I'm just assuming are super conservative because they all wear their neckties so tight and yell at their children for having mental breakdowns, but he never mentions the fact that his son is always hanging out with the devilishly handsome Peter Dinklage. Like, he doesn't even say, "Son, I need to know: is this devilishly handsome reporter you're always hanging out with your boyfriend? 'Cause you turned down the super cute mystery girl and if it was because you had the devilishly handsome boyfriend things would make a little more sense to me."
Anyway. These guys look so uptight. Ugh.
So Peter Dinklage and Mr. Stupidface hangout alone once again with a bunch of phones, waiting for someone to call and offer to sell a picture of Penelope. And who should offer but Penelope. Mr. Stupidface is a giant chicken butt so he hangs up out of terror and Peter Dinklage get's kind of mad at him. (Peter Dinklage doesn't have the patience to let Mr. Stupidface be his boyfriend. Sorry, Mr. Angry Stupidface Sr., your son doesn't have a devilishly handsome reporter boyfriend after all. Sigh.)
But she calls back and Peter Dinklage is like, "Why would you want to sell your picture?" And she's like, "WHAT DO YOU CARE YOU'RE GETTING YOUR FREAK." And then Peter Dinklage says, "Nobody said anything about freak" and he says it really sweet like and we're all like, awe, Peter Dinklage, handsome and kind.
So Lil' Cutie here takes pictures in a photobooth. She's so cute. And check this out: she's been wearing lipgloss under that scarf all this time. Who'd've known? Nobody. On account of the scarf.
Also, here haphazard assortment of buttons are buttoned all the way up to her collar. So, she doesn't, but she could have gills or something for all we know.
Plus, she's so cute in this picture, Peter Dinklage doesn't really want to go through with exposing her any more, but he teamed up with Mr. Stupidface so he doesn't really have a choice. Sigh.
Free, and the new owner of $5000 in cash, Penelope checks out this cool bar that Mr. Handsome mentioned during their courtship. Here, she meets this bartender named Jake I think and he's pretty cool. Seriously, I'm all about his button downs with rolled up sleeves and the fact that he's got his hair brushed backwards and gelled up a bit, and all that facial hair. Mm. A+. Well done guy I think is named Jake.
And here's our little cutie drinking beer on a tap through a straw because she won't take off her scarf. Also: what's with the leather gloves, Penelope? I mean, yeah, you have to wear the scarf in order to hide your snout, but, you're inside. You could definitely lose the coat and scarf. Plus you're drinking! I don't go drinking so I don't know this for sure, but I've heard that consuming alcohol makes you hot. Not like /oh bam hot damn/ hot but temperature hot. Obviously.
Anyway, who should she meet next, but Reece Withouterspoon in her BEST ROLE EVER. (And I say this as an avid Reece Witherspoon fan.) Check out that black leather jacket she's rocking. Anyway, she has oodles of boyfriend troubles probably because Mr. Facial Hair Bar Man is her soulmate. (OMG CUTE RIGHT?)
So she and Penelope become BFFLS but that's not nearly as important as this SUPER RAD HAIRDO. Oh my goodness. See all the braids and pinned up poofy bits? She's so cute.
Meanwhile, Mr. Handsome quits playing poker and starts getting his life together thanks to help of this Ragamuffin Dude. Seriously. This guy has such shaggy hair and that bit of facial hair that says "not a beard, just kind of lazy" and he's wearing a scarf but the top bit of his neck and part of his collarbone are both exposed so like what's the point? Oh. Right. The point is that Mr. Handsome is getting his life together. Good for you, Mr. Handsome.
So, new bffs Reece Witherspoon and Penelope do a lot of things together. Like, here, Penelope is trying to buy some funky beaded jewelry from this dude with Ash-Ketchum-style-fingertipless-gloves and Reece Witherspoon, complete with kind of weird looks like it was made from an ugly beach towel scarf, is trying to stop her. What did I say? This movie is chockablock full of top notch expressions.
Here, Penelope is befriending some fish in a local aquarium. But more importantly, we can see just how long her scarf and coat are. Plus, it's kind of dark and therefor hard to see, but she's got THE CUTEST SHOES which actually look a lot like the ones my parents got me for my birthday. Also: GODDESS CURLS.
Using clues from the postcards she's sent them, Penelope's parents track her down. Here, Mama Wilhern is wearing a shirt she clearly got from Well-Dressed-Wanda, an underwhelming but decently tailored brown jacket, and a frown to rule all other frowms. Plus she's carrying this weird boxy purse the design of which I like, the color and pattern of which make me shudder. (Seriously, what is with all the browns, lady?) Papa Wilhern on the other hand has not changed button downs since Penelope ran away, and he's got a nice, gray coat which he probably also stole from Mr. Rogers.
Penelope runs away from her parents and back to the bar where she passes out and her friends learn that she's Penelope. (Which makes me wonder: what did she say was her name? When the Penelope pictures came out in the papers were they so focused on her nose that they totally missed that their friend had the same eyes, eyebrows, hair, and eclectic DIY style coat?)
"Heey! Penelope." Despite how freaked out they both look in this picture (what DID I say about EXPRESSIONS in this movie? TOP NOTCH!) they're actually super cool with her pig-features. Oh, and, check out barman's button down and vest here. I'm not super thrilled with the pinkish-brownish color stripes in the shirt, but he still looks pretty snazzy, right?
When Penelope wakes up in the hospital (wearing a way cuter hospital gown than I've ever gotten from a hospital before) she discovers a bunch of people who like her and think she's cool and don't run away from her like all those blue blood dudes. Also, side note, HOW DO YOU WAKE UP WITH GODDESS CURLS? And like the longest eyelashes ever? She's in the hospital and she wakes up looking SO BEAUTIFUL.
Since she's already been exposed, and all the journalists want to know if she's been chained up in the basement, her parents let her, much to her mother's dismay, stay out in the real world. So she catches up with her good friend Reece Witherspoon who is always wearing one fantastic leather jacket. Seriously. I want one. Plus, Reecey dear is a motorcyclist with a pretty sweet helmet complete with red wings. That's what the logo is. Wait! It's a vespa. With wings. I think. I'm pretty sure she says that when we first meet her. Anyway, she's pretty pro-wing apparently. And safety. Very pro-safety. It's pretty impressive that she wears the helmet, really, because whenever she takes off the helmet her hair still looks good. Earlier today, I wore a hat for two minutes and when I took it off my hair was all sorts of messed up.
Once she's been exposed, Penelope mixes it up wardrobe-wise a little more often. Here, she's wearing a jacket that looks like she stole from her poorly-dressed-mother, but with a signature DIY beaded broach and a cute scoop-necked top. Oh! And she "ran into" Mr. Handsome who has been trying to find her because he wants to tell her that she inspires him. And something else. But he doesn't get the chance because the punk broke her heart and she's still mad about it.
Plus, Mr. Stupidface shows up with his usual uptight attire and grimace shows up to spew off this thing about how he was "running from his feelings for her" and how he wants to marry her. And even though Penelope doesn't want to marry him, she agrees to because her mother kind of makes her. Notice how tie is the exact same hue as his face in this picture. That's a good look. Realllll good look.
Don't they look like the epitome of unhappy? Speaking of unhappy, you know who else isn't so pleased to here about the impending nuptials? Mr. Handsome. And the devilishly handsome Peter Dinklage.
Who also recently discovered that Mr. Handsome ISN'T MAX. You know who Max is? That's right. The King of Grime, AKA terrible dresser, AKA chain smoker, AKA recently imprisoned bank robber. But shout out to Peter Dinklage who looks handsome as ever while wearing what I'm 98% sure is the same suit as before.
So, Penelope, Fiance Stupidface, and their parents start hanging out together. Mama Wilhern is super enthusiastic about it, as you can see. Also, she's wearing a kind of hideous pattern, but a well-fitting dress, which is a big step up from because she normally wears slightly-too-big clothing. Also, check out that deep neckline, Mama Wilhern. When she goes out, she goes out.
Notice how the Parents Stupidface are well dressed but the fact that they look like bored little brats totally take away from their properly fitting attire and expensive jewelry. It's like what they say you're never fully dressed without a smile. Only if that was true I'd almost never be fully dressed.
In the background, you see Mr. Stupidface has found a red tie which works a lot better for him than that gross goldish-tannish tie from before. Here, Penelope is wearing probably the darkest thing she wears ever in the entire film, symbolizing how depressed she is about having to marry Mr. Stupidface. She looks completely lovely, though. (That having been said, I'm not a big fan of those weird shiny brownish bows on her shoulders. They look like they're made out of bridesmaids' dresses somebody found at the Goodwill.)
Mr. Handsome shows up because he wants Penelope to know that Mr. Stupidface is a stupid face, but instead, Mr. Stupidface goes off about haven't you hurt her enough and sends Mr. Handsome away in disgrace. In this shot, we see that Penelope's dress is kind of baggy in the front which, combined with the fact that it's black, means she probably borrowed it from her mother. Mr. Stupidface is wearing a pretty nice coat that reminds me of old men and philosophy professors. And Mr. Handsome is all around looking better now that he doesn't stay up all night playing poker.
Then, Peter Dinklage, dressed like a proper PI and finally wearing a tie that isn't that same speckled pattern, confronts Mr. Handsome. He's all, "Your name isn't Max! It's Johnny." And Max/Johnny is like, "Yeah, I know." And Peter Dinklage is like, "Are you just going to let the adorable pig-faced girl marry that stupid too-annoying-to-be-my-boyfriend guy?" And Max/Johnny let's us know why he turned her down earlier: he can't break the curse. Also, she said if they got married and the curse didn't break, she'd kill herself.
Personally, I think he should have been like, "Look, I'll totally marry you because I think you're cool and I'm pretty in love with you. But the thing is: it won't break the curse because I'm not really Max, my name is Johnny." And she could be like, "Oh. But you'd still marry me?" And he'd be like, "Yeah, I think your snout is kind of cool." And then they'd get married. The end. But then the movie would be shorter and she wouldn't have run away and we might never have met Reece Witherfantastichairdo.
Then, the wedding happens. A lot of the background people wear lots of pearls and pastel colored Sunday skirt/jacket combos, and giant hats. Reece Witherspoon toned down her hair, but it still looks pretty fantastic. And she traded in her super cool leather jacket for her shiny brown wedding jacket. Meanwhile, Barman looks fantastic. Seriously. ALl those natural colors and that suit? I'm so surprised they aren't currently making out but really they're both kind of uncomfortable because they don't think this wedding will actually make Penelope happy and as her friends that's all they want for her.
Here, we see Mr. Stupidface looking his absolute best (minus that stupid expression on his face, what the heck, man?) Seriously, though, His suit is crisp. I'm diggin' that white tie, white shirt, blue vest, black coat, deep red rose thing he's got going on. Meanwhile, his mother looks ridiculous. Her hat looks like a dead-version of a Dr. Seuss cartoon, her necklace looks like it's made out of petrified cow dung, and his jacket thing looks like the high-fashion version of a burlap sack.
Peter Dinklage tries to tell Mama Wilhern and Well Dressed Wanda that Max isn't really Max but is actually Johnny so that they can tell Penelope so that she would know that the only reason he said no was because he couldn't break the curse... but Mama Wilhern wanted a snout-less daughter more than she wanted a happy daughter, so she forced Well Dressed Wanda to keep it secret.
That having been said: Mama Wilhern looks fierce in her all white pant suit. It fits well for the most part (not the forearms but oh well) and looks well tailored. I wonder if those pockets are real. Well Dressed Wanda is, of course, well dressed as ever. That blue looks stunning on her, but I will say, the sleeves a bit awkward.
Meanwhile, Mr. Handsome goes to a tree and pouts because the love of his life is marrying someone else. Hm. Sounds like something you could have prevented at the beginning of the movie, doesn't it, MR. HANDSOME? Check out them boots, though. I like them. They're like a cross between riding a horse and riding a hog. Hog meaning motorcycle. Obvi. Obvi meaning obviously. Obvi times two.
Sorry. Moving on.
Awe, look. It's 1/2 of a beautiful couple. Penelope's got a fur shawl on, which as a vegetarian I would normally oppose, but since I'm 110% in favor of her, I'm going to let it pass this time. She's also wearing a dress with a somewhat feathery skirt. I would describe Penelope's look here, and throughout the film, as a cornucopia of things I don't think go together but somehow look good together in this situation. "In this situation" being "on Christina Ricci aka goddess divine."
The wedding guests have amazing expressions. There's this one part, where it shows a bunch of close ups, and I really wanted to include a close up of everybody. But this thing is already pretty long, so some stuff had to get cut.
Mama Stupidface doesn't have such a bad necklace from this angle. I mean, I'm definitely not a fan of it, but it looks less like petrified cow dung from straight on. Papa Stupidface is a pretty nice dresser. You know how Penelope's outfits always look like a haphazard selection of things? He's like the opposite of that. See how his tie matches his vest matches his pocket thing? And they're all about the same color of his face. He's put together but "put together" in the sort of way that sort of makes me want to punch him.
BUTTERFLY HEADBAND BUTTERFLY HEADBAND BUTTERFLY HEADBAND.
All right, fellas, take note: if your bride is wearing this expression to your wedding, it's because she kind of hates you.
It looks like Penelope's side is the popular side. Hey! Do you see how Well Dressed Wanda, Jake the Butler, Reece Witherspoon, and Guy I'm Just Now Realizing Probably Isn't Named Jake Because The Butler Is Named Jake all have a "I'm really trying to be happy for you but please for the love of God don't do it" expression on their face? That's what the closeups are like. Everyone like, "PLZ DON'T DO IT."
Actually, I guess Jake the Butler's expression is more like, "Meh."
Her mom is like, "Say I do! Say it! You do! You do! Do iiiiiit." She actually mouths the words at one point. But instead, Penelope is like:
"I DON'T!" And she runs away, and her beautiful feathery skirt flows behind her making the whole thing look more majestic. That's probably why the dress is super feathery in the first place.
Her mom tries to get her to go back, though. And she gets mad and is like, "I LIKE MYSELF THE WAY I AM." Let me tell you something about this scene: I watched this movie for the first time when I was like sixteen or seventeen or something. And this was like BAM. I can do that. I can like myself the way I am. And it was like a revolutionary moment. Like I had never before realized that liking myself as I am is my right.
Also: Check out these earrings Penelope is rocking. They look kind of heavy, but I really like them. They're like a gold acorn/leaf hybrid with little pearls dangling along the edge. And look at all those eyelashes. So long. So pretty. Siiigh.
So, she likes herself the way she is, and since she's a blue blood and she's accepting herself, she's being accepted by one of her own kind. And she get's flung about because of magic. And it's an awesome scene because her hair is all down in goddess curls and her skirt is all feathery and so her hair and feathery skirt whip around in the magic wind. It's cool.
So much magic. So tired. Must nap. Oh! What's this? NORMAL NOSE. Yup. All her piggy features are gone. Which is admittedly kind of disappointing because she was so cute. I mean, she's still so cute. But, it's like... wouldn't it be nice if she could like herself without changing?
Also: check out that dress! Hidden behind that fur was an awesome bodice. It's got gorgeous embellishments, a killer cut, and BONING. I'm so impressed by bodices with boning. And women who wear bodices with boning effortlessly. (If you laughed at my frequent use of the term "boning" I'm assuming it's because you're in seventh grade. /glower/)
She kind of misses her snout, though, which I think is nice. Because the message shouldn't be "love yourself and then boom bam go ahead and fit with the traditional beauty structure" it should just be "love yourself." Also: holy armpit hairbrush, do you see the size of that ring? Do not give that back to Former Fiance Stupidface, okay? Hock that thing and buy yourself a leather jacket and vespa to match Reece Witherspoon's.
She kind of misses her noses, still, but at least she has her colorful layers, butterfly paraphernalia, and goddess curls to keep her company. This green polk-a-dot 3/4s length shirt is a little tame for her, but I can dig it.
Her dad is still wearing that same shirt. Like, man, do you not have any other shirts? And her mom is like, "Now that the snout's gone, we could get cosmetic surgery and you get a little upturn" and both Penelope and Papa Wilhern are like, "GURL U CRAZY."
Haha. I cannot get over the fact that that dad is still wearing that shirt.
Here, Mama Wilhern is throwing a fit because she doesn't like being called crazy. Do you see how wide the legs of those pants are? I USED TO HAVE PANTS LIKE THAT. And her shirt is way too baggy. Also, I'm pretty sure it's made out of that same metallic brown rejected bridesmaid's dress as Penelope's bows were earlier. They must have just had a ton of that material to work with.
So then Jake leaves and curses Mama Wilhern so she can't speak any more which Papa Wilhern is quite frankly a little disgustingly pleased about. Also: Papa Wilhern should not be wearing that color green sweater with that color brown pants. It's like they're almost the same color, but they're distinctly different colors at the same time, which all around gives me the feeling of "poo." And is Jake just wearing a super long coat? Or is that a skirt over his pants? I'm down with whatever. You do you, Jake.
Also: Jake turns out to be the crazy witch lady from before. I have to say, out of all the characters in this movie, Crazy-Witch-Lady-Jake's style is the one that identify with most. So many layers! So much dark! Check out that long necklace!
Penelope moves out and becomes a herbo...herbat...herby... someone who works with plants maybe and teaches a bunch of kids. Since she's a teacher, now, her style tames down a bit. I like this dress that she's wearing, but I don't like the purple ribbon-belt that cuts just below her boobs. It seems unnecessary and kind of distracting? Not that I'm distracted by her boobs! I'm not! I'm way more into her hair.
Anyway. Moving on. It's Halloween and a bunch of her students are dressed like...
Her! I like that first girl's sass face. Also, I'm right there with them. I totally want to be Penelope for Halloween sometime. Anyway, all the girls are like, "I wanted to be Penelope!" "But I'm Penelope!" Blaah! Except this one girl who is...
A troll? No. Wait. Not a troll. Something else. Like... a static cling or something. I like it because it's different and creative. But homegirl you're like twelve. And you're wearing a bra across your ribcage. That's like a recipe for mockery. But, also, it's super brave. Being twelve is hard. So if you come up with a creative costume, you dress in a way that expresses yourself, and have the guts to wear a bra across your ribcage? More power to you! Officially my new hero.
So Penelope, dressed as herself, and Reece Witherspoon dressed as a super cool bee with strainer goggles, go to this Halloween party. Reece Witherspoon clearly bought her costume but probably made the strainer goggles. She's so cool. Penelope, on the other hand, decided to wear the laziest costume ever. Seriously. She just bought a(n albeit cute) Penelope mask and wore her own freaking clothes. Anyway they knock on a door because Penelope "has to pee, you gotta bathroom" (that's what Reece Witherspoon says, at least.)
And the door belongs to none other than...
Mr. Handsome! Who's wearing a dark button down these days. I think dark colors look good on him. Anyway, he's in a pretty bad mood because he's run into so many Penelope's. And then one showed up at his door.
So she, like, pretends to use the bathroom and then just pries into his life. It goes like:
Penelope: Are you moving?
Mr. H: Yeah, I gotta get away from the underground gamblers.
Penelope: I had a friend who gambled.
Mr. H: Take of the mask.
Penelope: Nope.
Mr. H: Sorry, there was a girl I used to know.
Penelope: Did you care about her?
Mr. H: Yeah but I couldn't give her what she wanted.
Penelope: Which was?
Mr. H: Freedom or something dumb like that.
Penelope: HEY YOU LIAR I GUESSED PIANO AND YOU ACTED LIKE YOU SAID--
And then he kisses her. And it's pretty cool because he kisses her while she's wearing the mask. He would have been so happy to be with her before. Anyway, then he says he's Johnny and can't break the curse, and she says that she knows and it's okay because she already broke the curse and they keep making out for a bit.
And it turns out they were telling this whole story to a bunch of school children. Like all of whom are wearing pink. It must be Wednesday.
He's wearing dark jeans! He's wearing dark jeans! I told you he was the kind of guy who would wear dark jeans. I'm not so sure about his shirt/vest/jacket combo. That bit looks like he's about to do a Victorian England Period Piece. How cute is her jacket, though? That teal color with her skin, those orange buttons? Ah. So cute. And CHECK OUT DEM CURLS.
These are the stylish girls. All of their coats have fur-lined hoods. That girl in the front, with the bald cap as a hat, is trying really hard to figure out if that whole story was just bs-ing them or not. The girl with the homemade scarf has literally the cutest braids I've ever seen. SERIOUSLY, see that part? That part is the part of a girl whose mother really loves her.
This kid is totally his own kid. He's definitely the Penelope of the group. Check out all those layers, for one thing. He's got a green button down, a red and white plaid button down, and a corduroy coat. It would be so much effort to put all that stuff on. I know, I wear a lot of layers. It's very time consuming. And he's got one of those hats! The kind that remind me of A Christmas Story which is probably my least favorite Christmas movie of all Christmas movies. Anyway, right here he's saying that the moral of the story is, "It's not the power of the curse, it's the power you give the curse." Which is really insightful and stuff, but he says it like he's really bored and life's a chore. So he probably needs to get moved to ASPIRE or whatever with the other gifted kids.
Then, all the children disperse, and Mr. and Mrs. Handsome go off being their adorable selves. The very last shot of the film, is the devilishly handsome Peter Dinklage:
Devilishly handsome as ever. He's tracked them down, probably because he's spent his entire life chasing the Penelope story. But then he doesn't take the picture. I'm guessing because he really just wants to be their friend. I think, if he went up to them and said, "Hey can I be your friend" they'd probably be down with it. After all, they are Mr. and Mrs. Handsome and he is devilishly handsome.
Okay! I know this was a kind of long post. But thank you for sticking with me until the end. I'm going to post one of these Film Fashion blogs every now and then, so if you have any suggestions for films to summarize and review, please let me know in the comments down below. I hope you enjoyed this! I certainly enjoyed writing it.
I really enjoyed reading this! Your commentary is so entertaining to read :D
ReplyDelete